Earlier this week one of my friends at work celebrated her birthday. Because of the current state of the economy, thank you very much politicians, I couldn't really afford to buy her a gift. But if there is one thing I can do is cook, and I'm a pretty damn good cook thank you. So I asked her what she wanted me to make her for her birthday lunch and her choice was tinga de pollo. (Actually, since she doesn't speak Spanish, she asked for "that spicy chicken" that I make.) Before I continue, allow me to explain what tinga is for the benefit of those that haven't tried it. Basically it's a dish that consists of shreded chicken, sauteed sliced onions, diced tomato, spices and chipotle peppers. It's simmered and then it's eaten on crispy tostadas that have been smeared with sour cream and then it's all topped with shredded lettuce. (Hungry yet?) So needless to say, we had a good lunch.
Now, if you've never heard of tinga, I'm not surprised. Most Americans' exposure to Mexican cuisine begins at Taco Bell and doesn't venture too far from that fare. Just to make it clear, crispy tacos were invented by Taco Bell and are NOT part of authentic Mexican cooking. Now, I plan to revisit the topic of faux-Mexican food on this blog again so I won't go on my rant about the lack of authentic Mexican food. But it does remind me of a story that happened back in my college days when I worked in a research lab.
OK, let me set up the scenario. I worked in a research lab with several regular employees and some students from the medical and dental schools that were there during the summer. Most of us in the lab were from San Antonio, but we had people from other parts of the country and from other parts of the world. One of our favorite things to do was order breakfast tacos. Now I have found that there are people, especially here in Appalachia, that cringe and look at me funny when they hear the term "breakfast taco." But in Texas they are more of a staple in the mornings than biscuits and muffins. (Also, Mexicans can eat tacos at any part of the day.) So this one summer day we all arrived at the lab hungry and someone decided to take up an order for breakfast tacos and call it in to a nearby restaurant. We went around the lab asking everyone if they wanted anything. One student, who will rename anonymous, obviously was not familiar with the breakfast taco. He inquired about the menu and when we told him all the different choices he had for taco fillers he had a perplexed look. He then looked at us and said, "Do they have any regular tacos?" Upon hearing this we all looked at each other in question since we all wondered what he meant. I proceeded to tell him that those were regular tacos. His reply? "No, I mean with the crunchy shell and the ground meat and cheese and lettuce."
It was all I could do not to laugh at him right then and there. It hadn't occurred to me that he had no idea what a breakfast taco was. I think he felt bad that day, but I think by the end of the summer he had a better grasp of what Mexican food was.
One more thing, and this is for all you gringos, please learn to say tortilla. They are not "soft shells," they have a name. It really bugs me when people call them "shells." I'll even help you learn how to pronounce tortilla. OK, here you go:
tortilla - tore-tee-yah
There, now you can call it by its real name. Wear it out at your local Mexican restaurant.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Bicks, Esprite y Yerbabuena (Vick's, Sprite and Mint)
OK, so it's been a few days since my last post. I've been battling a cold. Now that I'm recovered I can blog again. Did I go to the doctor? Of course not! Mexicans don't go to the doctor until we've tried every home remedy our moms and abuelitas used when we were kids.
Now, what was the first thing your parents used to tell you when you told them you weren't feeling well? "Tomate un Esprite." (Drink a Sprite.)
Ah yes, Sprite, the magic elixir that some even think can cure cancer and AIDS. Or, if you were lucky and were able to find it, you drank Sidral (apple-flavored soda). So you drink your carbonated beverage and you still feel under the weather. What now you ask? Well then they rubbed your chest with bicks (Vick's vaporub). Ah yes, nothing cures diseases like the smell of menthol. OK, so now you've had a refreshing beverage and you've been rubbed with menthol-scented petroleum gel. Still feeling sick? Well, it's time to bring out the big guns! No, not the medical-school trained professional we call the doctor. I'm talking about the yerbabuena! (That's mint, to you gringos.) That's right, just brew up a batch of tea made from these magical mint leaves and there's no way those germs will still be acting up inside that body of yours.
So let's say the Big Three didn't work. Do your parents break down and take you to the doctor? Perish the thought! It's time to go to the flea market and track down that old lady who sells antibiotics from Mexico and herbal supplements. (Also, if you're bad enough, she'll rub an egg all over you!) So you go home with a bag full of penicillin, herbs and something that smells like toluene and Chanel #5 mixed together and looks like it could blow up half a city block.
So why are Mexicans so reluctant to see the doctor? Well other than the fact that they're going to CHARGE you (eek!) the real reason is that if you go to the doctor, he's going to find something. That's right, you don't get diabetes until you see the doctor. You're 300 pounds and sit around all day, but you're healthy until that doctor gets a hold of you!
Back to my battle with the cold. I already told you that I didn't go see the doctor. So what did I do? Well, we had plenty of Sprite on hand but unfortunately I could not locate the Vick's. (Don't tell my mom!) I opted to forgo the yerbabuena but I did Nyquil the crap out of that cold! Now I'd like to hear what your home remedies include, my fellow Mexicans.
Now, what was the first thing your parents used to tell you when you told them you weren't feeling well? "Tomate un Esprite." (Drink a Sprite.)
Ah yes, Sprite, the magic elixir that some even think can cure cancer and AIDS. Or, if you were lucky and were able to find it, you drank Sidral (apple-flavored soda). So you drink your carbonated beverage and you still feel under the weather. What now you ask? Well then they rubbed your chest with bicks (Vick's vaporub). Ah yes, nothing cures diseases like the smell of menthol. OK, so now you've had a refreshing beverage and you've been rubbed with menthol-scented petroleum gel. Still feeling sick? Well, it's time to bring out the big guns! No, not the medical-school trained professional we call the doctor. I'm talking about the yerbabuena! (That's mint, to you gringos.) That's right, just brew up a batch of tea made from these magical mint leaves and there's no way those germs will still be acting up inside that body of yours.
So let's say the Big Three didn't work. Do your parents break down and take you to the doctor? Perish the thought! It's time to go to the flea market and track down that old lady who sells antibiotics from Mexico and herbal supplements. (Also, if you're bad enough, she'll rub an egg all over you!) So you go home with a bag full of penicillin, herbs and something that smells like toluene and Chanel #5 mixed together and looks like it could blow up half a city block.
So why are Mexicans so reluctant to see the doctor? Well other than the fact that they're going to CHARGE you (eek!) the real reason is that if you go to the doctor, he's going to find something. That's right, you don't get diabetes until you see the doctor. You're 300 pounds and sit around all day, but you're healthy until that doctor gets a hold of you!
Back to my battle with the cold. I already told you that I didn't go see the doctor. So what did I do? Well, we had plenty of Sprite on hand but unfortunately I could not locate the Vick's. (Don't tell my mom!) I opted to forgo the yerbabuena but I did Nyquil the crap out of that cold! Now I'd like to hear what your home remedies include, my fellow Mexicans.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
You know you're Mexican (part I)
Have you ever wondered if you're Mexican? Do you tan to a beautiful brown color but can't handle spicy foods? Well, you're in luck because here I have for you a list of things that might let you know if you're Mexican. OK let's cut the charade, this is a joke that's been on the internet for a while. But I have decided to add some items that weren't previously on there. A lot of them are from me, but a lot of them are also from the friends that I met on a Facebook page called "Bien Mexican." I'd like to give a shout-out to all my paisanos on there, hopefully they will be reading my blog and adding to this list. So, let's begin.
You know you're Mexican...
If you have ever been hit with a chancla (sandal or flip-flop) or wooden spoon.
If you can play any sport or run while wearing chanclas.
If as a child you were afraid of "el cucuy," "La Llorona," "El Muerto" or "La Mano Peluda."
If you have ever used your lips, eyes or chin to point something out.
If people can't tell whether you're laughing or crying.
If you refer to all Asian people as "chinos" no matter where they're from.
If you say "Pssst!" or "Cht! Cht!" to get people's attention.
If your parents ever used the sound of a belt snapping together to scare you.
If you have ever gone to a store and hidden things you couldn't afford so you could come buy them later when you have the money.
If you say "Uy!" when you try to scare someone instead of "Boo!"
If you call all cereals "con fleis."
If you can't imagine anyone NOT liking spicy food.
If you go to a kids' birthday party and there's more liquor and beer than punch and soda.
If there is at least one member of your family named "Maria," "Jose," "Juan," "Jesus" or "Guadalupe."
If you have a bottle of Tapatio or Cholula in your house right now.
If the guy on the Tapatio looks like your dad or uncle.
If the lady on the Cholula looks like your mom or aunt.
If you need to point out how much something you just bought cost.
If you go out with a black girl and you're darker than her.
If you know the next line to this song: "Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay! Canta y no llores!..."
If you have lived in the same house for 30 years and still pay rent.
If you light a candle on the night of the Lotto drawing.
If your parents have ever rubbed an egg over you to cure you.
If you greet people by tilting your head.
If you have to watch one novela every Monday through Friday and you don't even know why.
If you still have Christmas lights on your house and it's April.
If you have a tia or tio that's younger than you.
If you have ever had to explain to gringos what it is you're eating for lunch.
When a pay-per-view fight turns into a family reunion.
If you have at least one blanket with a picture of an animal on it.
When you can fit 10 people in your car...and you drive a compact!
When your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner and you live in a one bedroom apartment.
When you can dance cumbia, salsa or ranchera even when there is no music playing.
If you've ever told someone to "bring me a plate" from a wedding, birthday party or quinceañera.
If you have aloe, cactus and some kind of fruit tree in your yard.
When you have at least one shirt with chorizo stains.
When you heat up your lunch in the break room and the smell clears everyone out.
If you have plastic covers on your furniture and plastic runners on the floor.
When you can eat tortillas with every meal.
When your biggest worry is whether or not you left the frijoles turned on.
If people keep trying to hire you to put down tile when you're trying to shop at Home Depot.
When you get sick and instead of going to the doctor you go to the pulga to buy penicillin and herbs from some lady.
If your kids try to order horchata at every restaurant, even if it's not Mexican food.
If you have a skinny cousin they call "la gorda" and a dark-skinned one they call "la guera."
When you store your pots and pans in the oven.
If you can buy roasted corn, raspados and tamales right outside your church.
When every calendar has a picture of an Aztec warrior and came from the panaderia.
When you dress up like Cantinflas, El Santo or El Chapulin Colorado for Halloween.
If you've ever been called in to have a serious conversation with your dad while he's on the toilet.
If your mom has to have Vicente Fernandez blaring on the radio while she cleans the house.
If you have at least 30 cousins.
Well, I think that's it for now. We will revisit this at least once more. I hope you laughed because many if not all apply to you. If you're a gringo and don't understand all of them, have one of your Mexican friends explain.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Al baño cabron! (To the bathroom!)
OK, so now that my first blog post is out of the way I thought long and hard as to what to talk about next. Several things crossed my mind including presenting some of the many intricacies that make Mexican culture so diverse and unique. Then I remembered that I wasn't writing a term paper here and I kept thinking. Then I remembered something that I witnessed a while back when I was at Walmart.
Before I go on I need to talk about one of my favorite comedians: George Lopez. (Oh, I mean BEFORE he did his talk show!) One of the reasons I find him so hilarious is that many of the things he talks about in his stand-up are so true. Of the topics he covers one that really hits closer to home is when he talks about how Mexicans discipline their kids, specifically when we're out and about. In case you haven't seen it or want to watch it again here it is. (Warning: There's some strong language in it.)
OK, so back to what I witnessed at Walmart. I saw this lady with her two kids. (For the record, she was white.) One of her kids wanted some small toy and when she told her "No" the child went berserk. There was screaming, crying, foot pounding, you name it. What did the woman do? She tried reasoning with the child. "Now sweetie, you can't act that way. You need to calm down." I was really tempted to go up to her and say, "Lady, that child needs some chingazos."
So, back to the video: does this actually happen? ABSOLUTELY! Just ask my kids. They know that if they're acting up and I say, "Let's go to the bathroom," it means they're going to get it. I don't put up with temper tantrums when we're out in public. By now they're old enough that I don't even have to ask if we need to make a trip to the bathroom, a look from me will usually do the trick. I get compliments from people on how well behaved my boys are all the time. Boy, if they only knew what went on in many a Walmart bathroom!
Now to some, this might seem barbaric, extreme, even too far. But to us Mexicans it's the norm. Yes, I got my ass beat in a few dressing rooms and bathrooms, but I love and respect my parents and I learned to respect and obey them. In the end, we all turned out OK, didn't we? By the way, when WAS the last time you saw a Mexican mom get caught hitting her kids by the security camera? BLEEP-ing amateurs!
Before I go on I need to talk about one of my favorite comedians: George Lopez. (Oh, I mean BEFORE he did his talk show!) One of the reasons I find him so hilarious is that many of the things he talks about in his stand-up are so true. Of the topics he covers one that really hits closer to home is when he talks about how Mexicans discipline their kids, specifically when we're out and about. In case you haven't seen it or want to watch it again here it is. (Warning: There's some strong language in it.)
OK, so back to what I witnessed at Walmart. I saw this lady with her two kids. (For the record, she was white.) One of her kids wanted some small toy and when she told her "No" the child went berserk. There was screaming, crying, foot pounding, you name it. What did the woman do? She tried reasoning with the child. "Now sweetie, you can't act that way. You need to calm down." I was really tempted to go up to her and say, "Lady, that child needs some chingazos."
So, back to the video: does this actually happen? ABSOLUTELY! Just ask my kids. They know that if they're acting up and I say, "Let's go to the bathroom," it means they're going to get it. I don't put up with temper tantrums when we're out in public. By now they're old enough that I don't even have to ask if we need to make a trip to the bathroom, a look from me will usually do the trick. I get compliments from people on how well behaved my boys are all the time. Boy, if they only knew what went on in many a Walmart bathroom!
Now to some, this might seem barbaric, extreme, even too far. But to us Mexicans it's the norm. Yes, I got my ass beat in a few dressing rooms and bathrooms, but I love and respect my parents and I learned to respect and obey them. In the end, we all turned out OK, didn't we? By the way, when WAS the last time you saw a Mexican mom get caught hitting her kids by the security camera? BLEEP-ing amateurs!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Bienvenidos! (Welcome!)
Welcome to my blog. As the name suggest, this blog is about growing up Mexican. I want this blog to be a place to share stories of my childhood as a Mexican being raised in the United States. Hopefully some of my experiences will bring you smiles and/or laughter. Knowing Spanish will not be necessary for you to read my blog, but it will be very helpful.
Before I continue you need to know something about me: I do not consider myself a "typical" Mexican...check that, I do not consider myself a "stereotypical " Mexican. What do I mean by this? This means that I do not wear a sombrero, poncho and boots wherever I go. I do not sound like Speedy Gonzalez when I talk. I do not listen to mariachi music all the time. I do not work in construction, as a bus boy or as a gardener. (Although there is NOTHING wrong with any of those jobs! It's honest work.) Now I do own a poncho and I do listen to mariachi music from time to time but I also like to wear dress shirts and slacks and listen to everything from Mozart to AC/DC, and just about anything else in between. I work as an IT guy and I love technology and gadgets. Now, I am a "typical" Mexican in that I am very proud of my heritage, I like to eat chile and family is very important to me.
So there it is, my first blog post. I decided to be kind and not bore you with every minutiae of my life. I figure I'll slowly add more details about myself as time passes. For now I will leave you with the following words of wisdom from my family: Echale ganas! (This basically means, "Give it your all.")
Before I continue you need to know something about me: I do not consider myself a "typical" Mexican...check that, I do not consider myself a "stereotypical " Mexican. What do I mean by this? This means that I do not wear a sombrero, poncho and boots wherever I go. I do not sound like Speedy Gonzalez when I talk. I do not listen to mariachi music all the time. I do not work in construction, as a bus boy or as a gardener. (Although there is NOTHING wrong with any of those jobs! It's honest work.) Now I do own a poncho and I do listen to mariachi music from time to time but I also like to wear dress shirts and slacks and listen to everything from Mozart to AC/DC, and just about anything else in between. I work as an IT guy and I love technology and gadgets. Now, I am a "typical" Mexican in that I am very proud of my heritage, I like to eat chile and family is very important to me.
So there it is, my first blog post. I decided to be kind and not bore you with every minutiae of my life. I figure I'll slowly add more details about myself as time passes. For now I will leave you with the following words of wisdom from my family: Echale ganas! (This basically means, "Give it your all.")
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)